E CONCHIS OMNIA

So I had my first prostate exam today!

(long story short: I’ve been having a lot of debilitating physical health problems lately that eerily mirror my mother’s MS flares, including not being able to piss, hence the exam to rule out an enlarged prostate.) It was so funny because my doctor, who I adore, was like “God, I think you’re the youngest person I’ve ever done this to, I’m so sorry I have to do this Michael, I know it sucks, you can curse and scream at me and call me any names you want, I’m so sorry.” And I just wanted to tell her “lol gurl, you think one little finger is enough to phase me after all the dick/gigantic dildos I’ve sat on? I promise I can handle your brief and gentle medical finger bang.” But I didn’t say that. Although I kind of wish I had. She probably would have laughed. Her reaction also made me lol because I imagined a bunch of older, burly, insecure, hypermasculine straight men whining about how much her tiny little finger hurt their poor little precious straight virgin buttholes.

PS: my prostate is not enlarged, yay. And she prescribed me some vicoprofen for my pain until all the tests come back.

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8. skullvomit said: Yay! good luck on whatever’s causing the pain, I hope you feel better!
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16. mistersparkle said: you should have been like “can you put two in? I find one never to be quite enough.”
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