SOLVE ET COAGULA

to create, one must first destroy.

Sorry, this is a rambling post about depression/anxiety that I can’t put under a cut because I’m on my iPad.

This morning I literally could not drag myself out of bed. I tried to get up a few times and just ended up falling back in my bed. My mom was trying to talk to me about something and I couldn’t even understand her or even form a sentence. I called in to work and slept until noon which is weird because even on the weekends I accidentally wake up around 7 because I’m so used to getting up early for work. It’s annoying and weird because I didn’t take anything last night except for my daily zoloft and that doesn’t make me a zombie like it does a lot of other people. I stopped taking my seroquel about a month ago because I can’t afford it and it was making my legs swell and hurt. Surprisingly I’ve been feeling pretty normal this whole time. But today is just weird. Partially because I feel guilty about calling into work (but FUCK, I really couldn’t handle it today) but also just because of some strange shitty cloud hanging over me that came out of nowhere which REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I’m thinking about switching back to welbutrin for the energy and motivation but ugh it always ends up being so bad for my anxiety and I’ve been doing really well with that and not needing xanax as frequently as I did a few months ago. But I really feel like zoloft just doesn’t do anything, which I could be wrong about because I frequently mistake just feeling the general everyday normal stress of life that everyone who isn’t depressed feels for a genuine depression slump. Feeling “normal” is something that is weird/hard to understand/get used to which probably doesn’t make any sense to people who don’t deal with depression but whatever. YOU know what I mean. I got a voicemail from my awesome boss earlier saying an email just went out saying they need volunteers for six weeks of inventory overseas and this could really be the start of my deployment so I’m excited to look into that tomorrow but I also really need to pull myself together to do this. Bleahhhhhh at everything.

  1. cloudnoise said: listening and hugging digitally
  2. oneforthehead said: Have you thought about abilify? It’s expensive, but if your insurance covers it, it might be worth it. My doctor added it to my other depression med and it’s worked wonders for me the past few months. I wish I had more help to offer. Feel better!
  3. sixtyforty posted this