-Christopher Hitchens” —
-Mother Teresa” —
I’d like to be asked out on a date by a cute scientologist. He’ll e-meter the shit out of me and call it a “personality test” but we all really know that just means “deep throat.” I might lose my boner once he brings up XENU THE INTERGALACTIC OVERLORD , but if I don’t does that mean I have to join the church? I don’t think I can afford it right now. But I get paid next week.
I’d like to be asked out on a date by a cute paleontologist. On said date, he will take me fossil hunting. And we’ll find giant ammonites and sea urchins and petrified wood forever.